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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?